Battfleck vs Superman: Metropolis is Lookin' Busted
- Dolly Shartin
- Apr 18, 2015
- 3 min read
IT'S HERE! The highly anticipated Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice Trailer has officially arrived, one day after the internet's Star Wars: The Force Awakens freak out. Click below to watch it, if you haven't already seen it 1203981209 times like I have. Spoiler Alert: IT LOOKS AMAZING. But that's to be expected, with Zack Snyder (director of 300, Dawn of the Dead, Man of Steel, among other great films) at the helm.
The trailer begins with the camera slow-panning to a huge-ass statue of Clark Kent, AKA Kal-el, AKA Superman, our alien idol, in the middle of Metropolis. This image keeps creepin' closer and closer to the lens after each Superman snippet. So intimidating!
There's a clip of a few soldiers/policemen bowing before Superman like he's King Stannis Baratheon, the First of His Name, or some shit.
Yeahhh, bend the knee, bitches.
Then there's a creepy shot of Henry Cavill (AKA Albert from The Count of Monte Cristo, one of my favorite childhood movies) walking through a crowd with some Juggalos in the background reaching out for him like he's Tech N9ne.
STRANGE MUSIC, SON!
It then shows Superman lifting up a large rocket ship, or missile, or bomb, or something, with a Michael Bay-level explosion happening in the background.
I just lifted up the last ship from NASA's recently cancelled space program. Thanks Obama!
People reach up into the sky for Superman's floaty-fine ass! He is GAWD! Kanye West is PISSED. Superman likes to drift around in the sky and get treated like he is a member of One Direction, apparently. We get that now.
YEEZUS, what say you?!
The camera finally zooms in close enough to show the viewers that someone- maybe Kanye, maybe Batman, maybe random citizens...is vandalizing Clark's huge statue. It says "FALSE GOD" on it! #HoldUpholdUp! Reporters, such as Holly Hunter from Always, are questioning in the voiceover why we allow a freaking alien's ass to rule Earth.
I kind of look like the Statue of David, but my peen is covered, guys.
INCOMING. Batman AKA Bruce Wayne is here, and he is annoyed by this shit beyond belief. He's even more annoyed that people are still questioning his role as Batman, even after winning multiple awards and having excellent credits in Argo and Gone Girl.
If yall muthafuckas mention Daredevil ONE MORE TIME, I swear to Kanye...
Shit. Somebody said something about Daredevil anyway. You people just couldn't shut the fuck up and let him live. Battfleck suits up.
I told you bitches.
Snyder shows us a ton of intimidating, sad Batman shots, all in very dark lighting. Batman is angry. Batman is standing on the tallest building around. Batman is gonna getcho azz, Superman.
Kinda Emo. Deal with it
Next comes the coolest, most badass part of the trailer.
"Tell me, do you bleed?" Batman looks up to the sky and asks.
Superman looks down at him through the rain. He's asking Superman that, guys. He's asking Superman if he BLEEDS. 0__0
Superman lands in front of Battfleck and looks up and him.
"YOU WILL," Batman warns.
BOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!
What do you guys think of the trailer? What do you think of the new evil-ish Superman? Are you still hatin' on Battfleck even though he's a wonderfully talented, handsome, fantastic actor who just made a couple of flops earlier in this career? Let us know! :)
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